Winston E. Said His Paddle Was ‘Emotionally Next.’ The Queue Disagreed, Then Died

Pinecrest Courts — Winston E. does not believe in the paddle stack as a physical object. He believes in it as a vibe. The paddles leaning on the fence at Pinecrest Courts said one thing, and Winston E. announced his paddle was next anyway, because it was ‘emotionally next.’ Emotionally next! That’s not a queue, that’s a horoscope. Anyway, the actual news: Silas Q. and Tamsin R. beat Vera N. and Winston E. 11–⁠9 in the only game anybody finished all day.

Here’s the setup. Four courts. Twenty-three people. You know what that is? That’s not open play, that’s a fire drill with paddles. The event was billed as Open Play (Allegedly), and whoever added ‘Allegedly’ should be writing for this paper. Four doubles games fit sixteen people. That leaves seven people at the fence, doing math, glaring at the stack like it cut them off in traffic.

Then there’s Vera N., who arrived with a folding chair, a Bluetooth speaker and opinions. Two of those you can fold up and put away. Who brings a folding chair to open play? Someone who has seen the sign-up math and accepted it. The speaker played something upbeat. The opinions covered the queue, the speaker volume and, I’m told, the queue again.

Once the stack collapsed and somebody finally walked onto a court, the game was tight. Silas Q. and Tamsin R. stayed patient and stayed out of the kitchen, which has no food in it, a cruel thing to name a zone when seven people have been waiting since lunch. Vera N. and Winston E. hung around, reached nine, and ran out of points right there. The paddle tap at the net was polite. Suspiciously polite. Like two countries signing a treaty nobody plans to read.

So who won? Silas Q. and Tamsin R., officially, on the scoreboard, 11–⁠9. Who won emotionally? Winston E. would like you to know that’s still open for discussion. His paddle is already back on the fence. It’s not next. But it feels next.

You’ve been great. Tip your line judge.