In an encounter that will go down in history for its utter lack of history, Kelly & Kelly stumbled, floundered, and ultimately succumbed to an 11-2 defeat against John & John at Dropshot Pickleball. The match was so uneventful, even the court seemed to consider taking a nap.

Starting with serves more lukewarm than a forgotten cup of coffee, the Kelly duo advanced their way to mediocrity, showcasing a range of unintentional trick shots and baffling tactics. It was as if they had taken a Masterclass in "How Not to Play Pickleball." Each attempt at finesse left observers pondering if the players were secretly auditioning for a slapstick film instead. This match could serve as the perfect backdrop for a tutorial on what not to do in Pickleball.

The fleeting flicker of optimism came when Kelly erupted with a thunderous swing–misguided but ambitious–that sent the ball into an echoing void. It landed precisely where no one was standing–an ingenious defensive strategy if the goal was to avoid all interaction. The shot landed exactly where no one was–and for good reason.

With every missed point, Kelly & Kelly seemed to descend further into a rabbit hole of self-doubt. Opportunities for redemption appeared frequently, like mirages in a desert, but their execution was more "thinking too hard" than "playing to win."

Meanwhile, John & John's victory was an exercise in minimal effort. They scored largely by default, as if their only requirement was to remain upright–a feat they accomplished with marked nonchalance. It was a "triumph" born from being marginally less disastrous rather than truly successful. The match was essentially a quest to redefine the boundaries of mediocrity.

The paddle has requested a transfer to mini golf.