In what witnesses described as "less a sporting event and more a public service announcement about when to retire," Dylan Haworth dismantled Jay Young 11-6, 11-5, 11-9 in The LT Open Men's semifinals at Life Time Peachtree Corners Thursday, hitting winners with the casual efficiency of someone emptying their email inbox.

The professional-level matchup quickly devolved into what sociologists are calling "a collective trauma experience" as Haworth placed shot after impossible shot exactly where Young wasn't, couldn't be, and-based on the existential look in his eyes by game three-no longer wanted to be.

"I tried going cross-court. I tried going down the line. I tried hitting it soft, hitting it hard, hitting it medium-hard," Young told reporters afterward, staring at a spot three feet above their heads. "At one point I'm pretty sure I hit a good shot and he still made me look like I'd never seen a paddle before."

By the second game, the crowd had fallen into what organizers described as "that weird silence you get at a funeral for someone who died doing something really stupid." Each Haworth winner was met not with applause but with sympathetic winces and the occasional whispered "oh honey, no."

"We actually stopped cheering because it felt mean," said spectator Jennifer Walsh. "Like, we get it. He's better. We don't need to celebrate every single humiliation."

Tournament officials briefly considered implementing a mercy rule before remembering this was the semifinals and Young was, technically, also a professional player who had agreed to be there.

Haworth advances to the finals, where he'll face an opponent who has reportedly already begun updating their LinkedIn profile just in case.