Mysterious 5.3-Rated Stranger Appears at Tribune Park, Ruins Everyone's Wednesday
Robbie and Tyler demolish Slim and YT 11-4, 11-3 in 'Hide From Wives' event as higher-rated player seeks confidence boost
Final Score
Best of 2 •11-4, 11-3
Robbie and Tyler dismantled Slim and YT in straight games Wednesday evening, 11-4, 11-3, at Tribune Park's Hide From Wives event, where a full rating point advantage apparently wasn't enough of a red flag to cancel the match.
The victory marked Robbie's first documented appearance at the facility, arriving like a comet specifically designed to crater the morale of recreational players. Sources confirm the 5.3 DUPR-rated visitor needed exactly this-a thorough beatdown of three 4.3-rated opponents-to snap whatever losing streak had driven him to seek competition at a court he'd never visited before.
"We didn't know what hit us," Slim said afterward, still gripping his paddle like a security blanket. "One minute we're having a nice Wednesday game, the next minute LeBron James shows up to play pickup at the YMCA."
YT, when reached for comment, simply held up four fingers on one hand and three on the other, then walked away shaking his head.
Tyler, Robbie's partner and the only person who seemed unsurprised by the outcome, confirmed that his teammate had "been going through something" and "needed this." When pressed on whether steamrolling significantly lower-rated players constituted legitimate therapy, Tyler shrugged and said, "Hey, a win's a win."
The match featured several rallies that witnesses described as "depressingly one-sided" and "like watching someone use a flamethrower on a birthday candle." Spectators reported Robbie appeared to be working through some things emotionally while simultaneously working through Slim and YT's defensive positioning.
Local officials have since updated Tribune Park's court reservation system to include a checkbox for "Are you rated significantly higher than everyone else and having a bad month?" Early reports suggest the feature may get heavy use.
Robbie has not been seen at the courts since.