Ross and Mark captured the Savage Fall Tournament gold medal Sunday with an 11-6, 12-10 victory over Ravi and Rakesh, a win made possible entirely by their opponents' breathtaking commitment to tactical myopia.

Playing in 90-degree heat with 40mph wind gusts that turned every third-shot drop into a meteorological experiment, Ravi and Rakesh deployed what can only be described as the "that tall guy looks scary" defensive scheme. They directed 72% of their shots at Mark, apparently operating under the assumption that Ross's height was somehow transferable to pickleball competence.

"We thought, you know, tall equals athletic," Ravi explained after the match, still processing what had gone wrong. "Turns out Mark is actually good at this sport."

Mark, who witnesses described as "suspiciously competent" and "probably plays more than he admits," systematically dismantled every ball sent his direction while Ross stood at the baseline like an ornamental lighthouse-visible, imposing, and largely untroubled.

"I got maybe seven shots the entire match," Ross confirmed, toweling off. "I'm not complaining."

The second game offered Ravi and Rakesh multiple opportunities to adjust their strategy, which they declined with admirable consistency. Even as Mark carved up their returns with surgical precision and the deficit grew, they maintained their commitment to avoiding Ross like he was guarding the net with a restraining order.

Tournament organizers later confirmed that Ross's height provided zero competitive advantage in 40mph crosswinds, though it did make him "easier to spot from the parking lot."

"Next time maybe hit it to the guy who isn't carrying his partner," Mark suggested diplomatically, while hoisting his gold medal and what remained of his opponents' dignity.