In a Wednesday morning clash at Dropshot Pickleball that defied absolutely zero expectations, Chris and John secured an 11-7, 11-6 victory over Ross and Mark, proving once again that algorithms designed to predict pickleball outcomes are, in fact, capable of predicting pickleball outcomes.

The winning duo-boasting a combined DUPR of 8.950-managed to overcome the Herculean challenge of facing opponents rated a staggering 0.218 points lower. "It was touch and go there for a while," Chris reportedly said while checking his fitness tracker, though the scoreline suggests it absolutely was not.

Ross, rated 4.382, and Mark, at 4.350, mounted what sources describe as "technically a defense" before succumbing to the statistical inevitability of facing John (4.385) and Chris (4.565). The 0.183-point gap between Chris and Ross proved insurmountable, which is either a testament to the precision of modern rating systems or evidence that we've all become slaves to spreadsheets with paddles.

"We gave it our all," Mark told no one in particular while packing up his gear, a statement that the 11-6 second game neither confirms nor denies.

Wednesday morning regulars at Dropshot expressed mild surprise that the match lasted as long as it did, given that basic arithmetic could have saved everyone 45 minutes. One spectator noted that the four-point differential in ratings "basically wrote the headline before they even warmed up."

The victory marks another successful Wednesday for players who showed up, consulted their DUPR ratings, and then played a match that validated those ratings with the precision of a German train schedule. Chris and John will presumably continue being slightly better at pickleball than Ross and Mark until the next rating update suggests otherwise.