In a match that felt less like pickleball and more like a staged farce, Sarah S. and David G. cruised to a decisive victory over Mark D. and Greg J., ending with scores of 11-4 and 11-1 at The Blue League by Scheels at Dropshot Pickleball. Yes, it was that bad.

Mark D. and his partner Greg J., whose play style could only be described as existential crisis on display, floundered through the game with the grace of penguins on land. The defining moment came courtesy of an accidental masterpiece by Andrew (who wasn’t even playing), when his mis-hit lobbed into oblivion only to crash-land perfectly on their side, prompting what should have been a simple put-away for Caden–if only he hadn't confused the net for some winning target practice.

While Mark and Andrew searched for the ball like they were auditioning for "America's Next Top Ball Retriever," Caden capitalized on their lapse by sending the ball directly into the net–the sports equivalent of tripping on air while trying to sprint away from your problems.

Meanwhile, Sarah and David played competently enough, although one might argue that competence hardly requires effort against opponents who appear to communicate exclusively in shrugs and existential sighs. Each well-placed shot by David would bring brief hope of a rally before being drowned out by the relentless quagmire that was Mark's gameplay–perhaps a fitting tribute to all those community center pickleball clinics he likely dozed through.

The rout concluded unceremoniously as Sarah decided she'd rather end the misery early than endure another unintentional comedy skit masquerading as a sports event.

For all involved, this wasn't just any loss; it was one they'll tell therapists about years later. And so ends another tragic day at Dropshot Pickleball–a venue where hopes come to die and paddles are mere props in this ongoing theater of absurdity.