Vikram S. Files Foot-⁠Fault Complaint on a Grocery Receipt, Grandma Sees a Future in Paperwork

It was a cardigan sort of morning at Hollyhock Park, the kind where everyone should have worn a light jacket and nobody did except me, and I brought two just in case. Through the chill, Thaddeus B. and Uma P. won the Mixed Doubles Social over Vikram S. and Esme L., 11–⁠8 and 12–⁠10, and I am proud of all four of them equally, though the scoreboard insists on playing favorites.

Vikram S. and Esme L. collected eight points in the first game, and Esme told me several of them were on purpose. In the second game they pushed things all the way to 12–⁠10, which was so close that from my folding chair it looked like they had won, and I clapped, and I would like to apologize to everyone again.

Then came the winning volley. Word is that Uma’s toe may have been in the kitchen. Now, I have been told for three seasons that the kitchen is a place you are not allowed to go, which I find very sad, because the kitchen is where the snacks should be. If Uma wandered in, I assume she was peckish, and who could blame her. Vikram filed a formal complaint on the back of a grocery receipt. One side listed eggs and two lemons; the other said TOE, underlined three times. Very thorough. That young man has a real future in paperwork.

It reminded me of my Harold, who proposed to me on the back of a hardware store receipt. I said yes partly because the list included spare lightbulbs. The man was always thinking ahead, unlike some of the lobs I saw today.

Thaddeus said he didn’t see a thing, and then he winked. I believe him completely, the way you believe anyone who winks while saying it. Esme mediated with oatmeal cookies, which landed softer than half her drives, and I mean that as the highest praise.

The result stands, and nobody should feel bad. Vikram, I am bringing you my pound cake next week, and I will write the recipe on a receipt so you can file it properly.

So proud of you all. There’s pie in the car.